were you an idiot when you were 14?

okay so here's an embarrassing story for the record books:



so i'm out in california for a wedding. I'm with one of my friends from childhood who also flew out for the occasion, and we're sitting and talking at a hookah lounge. Out of the blue he says, "Hey shayna, do you remember at the mall when we were like 14, and you said 'i hope you don't get offended if i say the word nigger, i use it a lot' and i was like 'we're all people here'"



i honestly didn't remember, but i don't doubt i said that. David was one of my first black friends, and when i was a young kid, saying nigger, as an add on to the end of a sentence (ex: i just beat you in air hockey, niggaaa) was ironic or funny or cool, i don't know. and i wanted to safeguard myself from letting the "n" word slip around david. he handled the situation rather open mindedly for a young kid.

i feel pretty bad about the situation now. or i feel like i was an idiot. i would never say the word nigger out loud these days. it's a word with so much hatred behind it, and there's no reason for me to say it. i don't think words should be banned, but its not for me anymore. i get uncomfortable even typing the words.

i think the n word debate - whether it should not be used among black people, whether it should be forgotten, whatever - is a little overplayed. honestly, language changes, and words meanings change all the time. this one is bound to play out, and we've come a long way from using the n word in tobacco, toy banks, and children's songs



oh my...



but hey guys, there are so many other creative swears that don't carry that much hatred. like turd nugget. or fuck face. let's just use those.